July 25th, 2016

It was 11 something in the morning, I was in Statistics class if I am not mistaken.

"Abah/Atuk Abu masuk hospital BP. Sesak nafas yang agak serius".

Dum! That whatsapp message that was sent by my uncle was enough to make me lost my focus in class (tak pernah fokus pun sebenarnya zzzz). Called my dad during lunch break and he told that Atuk was okay. He just had to wear that oxygen mask (is that the right name?) because his rate of breathing was really low. My dad said it wasn't really serious as that was the nth times Atuk sesak nafas macam tu.

July 28th, 2016
Called mom and told her that I wasn't feeling well. I felt really frayed at that moment; not feeling well, midterm was just around the corner, Atuk was still in hospital etc. That maghrib, a cousin of mine whatsapp-ed me asking if I still not feeling well. And yes, he offered to bring me to the clinic. When I was waiting for him, suddenly my mom called and asked me to pack my things because Atuk was in a really critical condition. In the nick of time, I was ready with my backpack and he arrived UKM at almost 11 PM.

     Arrived Batu Pahat at 4 in the morning; all we could do was waiting for the nurses to allowed us to meet Atuk. >>>> Looking at Atuk's condition, really couldn't help myself to hold my tears. Wires here and there. Stayed in hospital for those two days; but I just met Atuk and talked to him for twice only. Didn't expect that it was the last time; never. Went back to UKM on that Sunday (secara terpaksa) because I needed to sit for midterm.

     Even after I met Atuk, I still couldn't focus on what I was revising that night. Uneasiness? I think so.

August 1st, 2016
Woke up at 4 in the morning because I really couldn't sleep well that night; so I just belek-belek the notes hoping that I would remember all of the contents ahahaha. Not forgetting my routine, calling my parents everyday (asking for their prayers for my exam). Mom answered my call and asked if I was ready for the exam; and she asked me to pray for Atuk. I said 'okay' and couldn't tell that something bad was happening.

     Ended call; connected to wifi and clicked whatsapp icon.
Allahu akbar, I was burst into tears. Not crying, but more to whimpering.
"Atuk Abu telah kembali bertemu pencipta sebentar tadi" - 12.30 midnight
Called mom and shouted at her; questioned her for not telling me earlier. I couldn't control my emotion, I could only cry.

     Arrived kampung at almost 2 (my sepupu fetch me at UKM) and Atuk dah pun dikebumikan. I was feeling really down because I wasn't able to look at Atuk's face for the really last time. I was in the state of blaming everyone for not telling me earlier. But then someone made me realized that there was another person who wasn't able to meet Atuk; it was my brother (he went offshore and he knew after three days of Atuk's departure).  It took me quite a long time to get my strength back.

     Atuk left us on Syawal 27th last year. And last Syawal, we lost another family member. The one who fetched me from UKM when Atuk passed away; Abang Lani, on Syawal 3rd/June 27th, 2017. Unbelievable, we lost two of our loved ones in a year. Aidilfitri will not be the same anymore; not as fun as we used to celebrate them.

Al Fatihah
Haji Abu Bakar bin Haji Mansor
Mohd Nadzri bin Haji Surani

     Maybe it will be my turn next? No one knows.
Am so sorry, I am a bit emotional these days. Also my english is tooooooo sucks; sorry for those who had to read my gibberish english.